It’s slowly becoming more and more apparent that the non-procrastinating, always trying to get ahead and stay ahead individual that I am, is failing at the “staying ahead” part of my life.

I go to bed with a migraine that progressively gets worse. I wake up with a migraine that gets progressively worse. My massage therapist, noted that she could feel the pulsing in my head yesterday. She said she’d never felt it so bad… but in those moments, I didn’t even notice the pulsing pain I’ve become so used to.

Thursdays are my only days off. Its the day I have the largest list of chores and homework and little things I need to get done. Most of which are in preparation for the next week.

However, I sit here fully knowing that most of my homework requires reading. But my eyes are already heavy and it isn’t even 10:00AM. I know that my little chores require cleaning supplies… the kind that don’t smell great… I ordered my groceries online, so I’ll pick them up later this afternoon… but that involves driving, which means I can’t take my meds before I go.

So the reality sets in. I have no choice regarding my homework that is due tomorrow… 150 some odd pages plus 2 pages of written response. I have to get my groceries. I’ll have to suck up the fact that my cleaning products smell and clean. If anyone has suggestions regarding less harsh cleaning products that don’t break the bank, please let me know.

But that leaves everything else. Tomorrow I have class then work the rest of the day. I work all day Saturday and Sunday. So where on earth do I squeeze in studying for my Marketing exam, reading a long chapter for another class, reading 100 pages for my lit class, continuing to unpack, and further developing three final projects?

I have to do the bare minimum. But what if the bare minimum today isn’t enough? What if I don’t have any spoons left tomorrow or over the weekend to complete the rest of my list?

Days like today make me terrified that one day, I won’t even be able to do the bare minimum and that my shot at any sort of fulfilling life will be gone.

Here’s to hoping that I get a little more than I expect done today.

-A