There’s just something about it.
That place where the sand meets the cold salty water. That place where the horizon seems to go on forever.
Its that moment when you’re driving down the road, windows down, and you cross the first bridge and the scent of salty air begins to consume you.
I’m sure there’s some sort of scientific evidence that backs up this notion of Vitamin Sea.
So, in this whirlwind I’ve been tossed into between having to leave my job and accept a different life it seems like a lot of bigger questions were also up in the air.
I woke up way too early yesterday morning. I knew I had to tell my boss that I had no choice but to just be done. This resulted in a phone call to my parents way too early.
As the day progressed… really slowly… I ended up back on the phone with my mom. The idea was presented to go through with these SPG Blocks and get through the semester, and come Christmas, they’d come pack me up and move me home.
They’d rearrange the upstairs to allow me to have my own bedroom and living room area and I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling good enough to find a job or continue with school.
But then it hit me.
Why take out more loans? Why sit in classes for something that I really don’t need a degree to do? For a degree I wouldn’t finish?
Why not just go home now.
The pros and cons swayed back and forth all day long.
But as I tried to come up with cons, I came up with more pros.
Like before my mom called me back, I’d been sitting scrolling and looking back on all the beautiful pictures of Charleston. I was reminiscing about sitting under the Ravenel, watching whatever country up and comer was opening that night at Party in the Park. I don’t even like sand, but the sunset looks the prettiest from the beach.
And so I have my list of cons and my list of pros.
– My apartment is so fabulous and I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am.
– I’m in a really good headache program at Froedert.
– My lotus chandelier has a home.
– I won’t get all the broadcast Packer games.
– I’ll once again be moving away from family.
– I won’t be taking out any more student loans – I mean if we’re being serious, my health won’t dramatically improve anytime soon most likely. My program is a mess, but my senior year will be spent creating a huge senior project that I’ll have to present. That presentation is like an hour long. How many times do you think they’ll let me reschedule that because of my migraines…
– I don’t have to sell my soul to afford groceries.
– Sweet Tea.
– I can see my mom more than once a year.
– I won’t be hundreds of miles away from my closest friends.
– I’ll get to work with my old neurologist who understands the progression of my migraines better than anyone
– If I couldn’t manage two and a half days of work, how would I manage school?
– My parents are letting me keep my couch.
– No more coin laundry.
So. At the end of the day, it makes so much more sense to just go home. I mean weather is everywhere. It storms every other day here, so that’s no different that Charleston. So, if I’m going to be in this much pain I’d rather be parked under a palm tree.
And I know I’ve got plenty of people reading this thinking I’m crazy and plenty reading it who support me 100%.
I know I’m too smart to be dropping out of college. I know my goals are too high to give up and move back in with my parents.
But that isn’t quite what’s happening. I never wanted to go to college. I was given options for where I could go. It wasn’t until I toured Duke that any glimmer of excitement surrounding college existed. And I was only excited because I wanted to painted blue, front and center on ESPN.
I was good at architecture because I put my mind to it. I was good at interior design because I put my mind to it.
So, now I’m going to let my mind wander. I’ll be home in late September. Maybe a new treatment will work and I can explore who I want to be. Maybe it won’t and I can spend a large amount of time at the Social Security office fighting to get disability.
Again, this Eric Church guy is pretty smart and I think we’ve got a little too much in common.
Because, like the sound of a siren song, oh Carolina, ya keep calling me home.