Ups and Downs, Today’s a Down

People always say that Monday’s suck… and I mean today of all days, the Monday after St. Paddy’s? Bound to suck…

Except Monday’s don’t suck, how we allow our circumstances to impact us is what allows your Monday to suck.

I started the day on a pretty great note…

I woke up to see a new piece of mine was approved to be published by The Mighty and in the morning newsletter my #checkinwithme question had been featured. I had gone on to ask people to share if they had specific getaways or mini-vacations they took to help get a change of scenery, and the post is going over really well!

I also got over the fever I’d had for the past few days, which thankfully meant I could cease taking Theraflu.

I tried to ignore the fact that I never really fell asleep last night. I tried really hard to ignore that I ended up getting up this morning because of how much pain I was experiencing in my abdomen. I even joked that hey at least these sharp stabbing pains remind me that I am in fact alive.

I started my day slow, and ended up a bit more rushed not realizing we had a guy coming to walk though our house and do some sort of energy evaluation. It was really me that needed the energy evaluation because I had to force myself to step back and breathe and take things slow.

But suddenly, it’d been hours since I’d gotten up and I still had this awful sharp pain on my right side, just below my rib cage. I was thrilled to hear that my doctors office had an opening with the nurse practitioner this afternoon.

There weren’t really thoughts racing through my head, in my mind it was mostly my colon flaring up again. Maybe it was the flu still running it’s course. All I knew was that it was painful.

And as I waited to leave, I was met with some pretty awful remarks. I truly never expected someone to come on to my personal blog – this safe space I’ve created for myself that’s meant to share my story and shed light on to my day to day experience – and tell me not to “throw the word disabled around just because someone signed a paper”… on a post that didn’t even begin to do that. But hey, if that’s how you really feel, I invite you to check out my “Featured Stories” and scroll until you find Disabled On Paper and you can really gawk at how I throw that word around.

But that really FUCKING hurt.

When all I’m trying to do is keep an open mind. Keep a smile on my face despite a new, just as painful ailment. Despite all the negative things that keep piling up.

But, I carried on. I struggled to make it to the doctors. And then I struggled through the over thirty minute wait.

And as I was called in and stepped on the scale my heart sunk even further. Since my last appointment I’ve been trying to gain weight as I was just under my goal weight of 120lbs. But today, the scale read 116 lbs, which means I’ve lost more weight and that I’m officially back to being underweight.

And finally, the NP came in.

I expressed my concerns regarding the fever I had over the weekend, the sharp pain, the on and off abdominal issues I’ve experienced over the last few years that I’d previously discussed with my doctor in the fall, and my history of having had a severely inflamed colon roughly 3 years ago that felt similar in nature to this. I also brought up the question regarding if this could potentially be IBS.

But after completing a rather painful exam, she looked at me almost baffled. Her first thought was that it was my gallbladder, but she expressed this isn’t something normal for someone who isn’t much older and also overweight.

She didn’t rule out that it may be the flu. My shoulder is a bit achy and who knows if it’s flu related or because I finally did some yoga yesterday.

She decided to test me for the flu, and those results came back inconclusive.

As she came back into the room, I could tell she was puzzled. We went over my diet and ensured that nothing had recently changed. We clarified that I do not in fact drink alcohol. We confirmed that I hadn’t eaten anything super fatty. She questioned if I’d ever had an abdominal migraine… to my knowledge, I haven’t and it’s never come up in any conversation with a neurologist.

She decided the best option was to go through some blood work since I hadn’t had any in about 6 months, and that she’d send in a request for a CT scan of my abdomen so we could get a better picture of my liver and my gallbladder.

She didn’t touch on IBS. She didn’t touch on it being “just gas” or something of the sorts because my bowel movements haven’t changed or been obstructed.

And so, the blood has been drawn. The tests have been ordered and I got to come home.

I don’t want to google the what ifs. I don’t even want my mind to go there. It’s no secret to me that the amount of medication I take and have taken in the past has a huge risk of their being liver damage down the road. I certainly didn’t imagine “down the road” being in my early twenties.

It puts the idea of “what are the long terms effects of this medication” into a whole new light. Aimovig took so long to be approved because the CGRP’s tested before it kept failing as they caused liver damage. Did my 2 doses of Aimovig speed up the damage done by other medications to my liver? It’s really hard having read all those studies to not immediately have my mind go there.

I know gallbladders can be removed. I don’t think you can live without a liver.

Now I wait. I’ll wait for my call and get the soonest scan possible. I have a follow up appointment on April 3rd – so no I won’t be selecting the later check out option for my lake house rental because I have to rush back here to go over test results.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and I can go in this week still and move my follow up appointment to sometime next week rather than have it impede on my vacation.

I don’t really know how test results work. If something not so lovely shows up, do I still have to wait for the follow up or will I get a call?

Honestly, I’m just hoping it’s gas or that I stretched weird in yoga.

I’m hoping tomorrow I wake up feeling wonderful.

I’ll still go get the tests done, because it starts the conversation about potentially having IBS. Hopefully in the same time frame I’ll also get called in for my scoliosis test and we can talk about that at my follow up as well. Kill two birds with one copay…

But for now, I’m tired, I’ve got nothing I can do about this pain, my head is starting to throb, I’m dehydrated, I’m missing some blood, I’m underweight, and still appalled at the audacity people have.


6 thoughts on “Ups and Downs, Today’s a Down

  1. I love you , and people who leave those comments are insecure with themselves and take it out on other people. never listen to those people because you are so much better than that❤️ I hope you start to feel better sending love your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve just discovered your blog on WordPress, so I hope it’s not too soon to reach out and say I hope the results come up with something fixable for you and that you are able to treat yourself gently and enjoy your vacation.
    If it does turn out to be your gallblader, I’ve had my gallbladder removed, it was a smooth, no fuss operation and recovery (and I am overweight and have severe low blood pressure, so there were plenty of things my fabulous surgeon had to deal with, lol) and I don’t miss the little organ at all 🙂

    I look forward to reading your coming posts!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Darcy! It is never too soon to reach out I’m so glad you’ve decided to follow along 😊 I appreciate your kind words so much! I just got home from urgent care and it is my colon that’s truly been giving me some issues so I’ll be working on a treatment plan for that in the coming weeks and I’ll certainly get to enjoy my upcoming vacation as planned!

      Liked by 1 person

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